Despite the surge in creativity I’ve been forced to admit that I’ve been feeling a little uninspired lately on the writing front. I mean, my novel is very close to being finished, but it seems that whenever I have a spare moment I’ll do anything but whip out my laptop.
It’s strange. It’s not like I have writer’s block, or that I’m bored with it. I just can’t seem to muster the energy to write. And I’ve been feeling bad about it. This niggling sense of failure lurking just behind me.
At my writers’ meeting on Saturday I was chatting to one of the group members and she asked me why I haven’t finished yet, why I haven’t been writing. So I told her that by the time I get home from work I just can’t be bothered doing more writing. I mentioned how on Friday, when the day lay empty and peaceful before me, I turned my attention to cleaning the house instead.
She offered that maybe I’m afraid to finish it – afraid to bring it to a close. And then I blurted “Maybe I’m afraid that it’s crap.”
Wow. Who knew.
I mean, I’ve made the odd passing comment about “what if it’s rubbish and no one really wants to read it”, but that’s just been me speaking from lighthearted insecurity. But I think on Saturday I realized that that joking little comment was actually rooted a bit deeper. I’ve let the feelings of inferiority take hold and become a reason for not sitting down and writing.
My fellow writer (jumped up on caffeine, by her own admission) was hasty to assure me that my novel was by no means bad and that I shouldn’t let myself be stalled by such ridiculous notions.
So. What now? Well, I’ve already made a commitment to finishing it by the end of the year – so I’d better get cracking.
But I’ve also felt the first twinges of new inspiration over the past few days. I have a short story to plot for HorrorFest’s Bloody Parchment event, a novel to finish and a competition to enter. It’s a competition for columnists for a website I enjoy. And I really like my idea. It’s the kind that, if it doesn’t get selected for the website, would work just as well here.
Time to pull out my laptop and get typing. Because I really need to see my writing out there.
Like Red Smith once said: “Writing is easy. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.”